A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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Life is so much better after having sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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