And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
