Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
