The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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