Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
