SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize