Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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