first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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