Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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