Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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