Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
