I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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