Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
