His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
