I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
