I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize