One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
