No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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