so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
