I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
