Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
