We're facebook friends in real life
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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