Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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