I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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