Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
