So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
