One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
