do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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