Im at strip club and am horny
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
