Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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