did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
