i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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