Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We need to rekindle our bromance
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
