So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off