well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"