someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
