I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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