just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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