like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish you could order shots online.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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