so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
