i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
