Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
