i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
