Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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