I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
