then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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