I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
