I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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