OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
