i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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