I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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