May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
