thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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