Where is the hickey?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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