"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
