I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need a sexual gate keeper
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
try to milk me bitch
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