Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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