I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
