So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
