even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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