I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
