You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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