I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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