i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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